Discipline: What You Correct & What You Compliment

Discipline has two sides to the coin: confront and compliment. What you correct and what you affirm should both be driven by the same thing — your values. That's what separates reactive parenting from intentional training.

When my wife and I were raising our kids, we chose to confront three things: disobedience, deceitfulness, and disrespect. Not because those were random rules, but because they violated what our family stood for. Every correction was connected to a value.

And we chose to compliment three things: thoughtfulness, thankfulness, and truthfulness. We didn't just affirm achievements or talent. We drew attention to character — to who they were becoming.

🧠 What the Research Shows

The American Psychological Association confirms that praising effort and character — rather than outcomes or ability — produces children who are more motivated, more resilient, and more willing to take on challenges. Specific, character-based affirmation builds the kind of internal confidence that lasts.

Discipline is not one size fits all. The values are. The standards are. But every child responds to correction and affirmation differently. Proverbs 22:6 says to "train a child in the way he should go..." meaning in the way that fits your child's gifts and needs. Your job as a dad is to find the approach that works best for each of your kids. And when you do, "they won't depart from it" because thats how they've been trained.

What you confront and what you compliment are shaping your child's heart. Make both intentional.

→ Build your Confront and Compliment list — start with the Dad Plan™.